Why do people want to kill

It is always the case that after few days of my gig someone will update me what I say and what I did or what I play. And each one has their own vivid memories of me on stage. Harold for example said

‘when you saw zai smile that was it'

and he laughed. I’m drunk basically well not exactly most of the time but like what koichi told some people in Taipei when we had a duo there, he said

‘he has no memory for night time.'

And it is scary that during open discussion gig I Have Escaped Even Myself where chee wai organized at 72-13 I was literally talking without myself there (or memory of it) and there it goes the punchline the guys use for sometime

‘if you listen to me (or add any noun or your fancy) for forty minutes, you will dieeeeeeeeee”.

And there I goes at HOME club standing on stage basically fucking drunk and struggling to stand straight because it felt like im carrying a drunk fat women not a guitar. In fact a couple of times I almost drop flat, luckily shaun was at my back to grab my hand and say ‘are you o.k are you o.k’ while I continue smiling.

Its horrible habit and it has become ‘that’s zai’ thing. It’s horrible and felt like a cursed to play the last set at 12am but this what I have to change. But while writing this confession, unrepentantly of course I am drinking that fucking whiskey who is like a whore I can’t live without it or like something stuck on your teeth that need operation..

I want to be kidnapped and possessed by the ghost of soberness though I know the essence of it is sheer boredom.

[Put on your earphones now and click play]

But to be honest I was all fine during tiramisu great set. Ok listen, there is only 15 paying audience with all the band girl friends, Engie our emcee with her fish net stocking which made some guy desire to bite and tear it which I will join in, fluxus and gang, cute waiter and a soso sound system which Terence, shaun and marc did some magic on it. (Oh and the Spore Biennale curator and director came too.)

I say that because the first time I saw a gig there I was horrified by the sound which sounded like a piece of shit being pushed to become peanut butter. Endless bassy feedback chocked me to death. You see since Shah Tahir took care of my sound in two of my gig I’m so bloody addicted with him which make me feel without him I will sound like some amateur who is basically wanking.

Anyway I salute tiramisu who perform as if there is a 300 pack audiences in HOME pub same goes to Engineered Beautiful Blood. Awesome set.

I once had an experience where basically nobody there and it’s Tokyo. I look at the sound man, light man, usher and I remembered some of my friend who is dead; few million dead bodies in a fridge ready for you to eat; old whore who knows its impossible to get customer but stand by the lamp post (no light of cos, haha) hoping for some stupid desperate man who is disillusioned by her thick make up; innocent children beated up by their drunken and sexually desperate father so on and on and I told myself tonight this is for my invisible lonely sad people, that is my audience.

After the performance everybody (6 people in the end) came to the stage and shake my hand as if they want to take it home and turn a stew out of it. That’s what performer will have to face and maybe not once and it is only us who can spoil the show. The common people language will sound like this:

‘If all you need is to jerk off, without women you still can jerk off.’

[We’ll getting hold of the band’s EP to rip some to put on this blog, return back for some great egopop yah]

That night I felt Samanta was abit ‘shocked’ that there wasn’t many people there and they seemed uninspired but I like what they play. So when there’s no audience that’s my advice jerk off if you lack imagination. By the way I have several years of street musician as life style in Tokyo. There is thousand of people passing by some stop and some don’t even notice you and after many years you don’t really need an audiences because you are playing for yourself or for the music sake and of cos when the coin drop the sound like honey drip on your sensitive organs waiting to be licked

I can’t talk about me, marc and shaun set not because I can’t remember but I can’t praise myself its very unhealthy ya, but I must tell you we had great great fun and until today we still don’t know what to call ourselves.

We need the name not because it’s in to have name but to put three name is just fucking long. We did think about DARKVERTIGO as name because sometime ago after we went for jamming marc have to rush sharon (his girldfriend) to pick us up and speed up to hospital because I got my vertigo syndrome and we are all there in hospital. So bloody lame and my long lost brother LPG came to make fun of me.

But we think we need sometime to fine the right name and yes we are going to be a trio to inspire us as soloist. Hei Harold why don’t you suggest some name for us? By the way we are the only trio in the world who is multi-racial disharmonic noisy bastard.

We agree that playing alone can be really boring at time though I am very much an ‘egoistic’ musician who usually prefer to play alone. But playing with others bring me into another dimension and challenge which is not the same when I’m alone. I love this trio you have to watch us coming up more and more as a loveable vampire, ghost, weirdos or clown


I am also touched by Kelvin and HOME club owner who is genuinely supportive of the event who is not affected at all with the bareness of the floor, though look like nobody is making money that night. I try not to blame football or some other gig going on but I think this is one of those day … the mysterious day and we call this syndrome, ghost passing by day. Of cos publicity are not that great either with such a horrible design by me haha.

But from now on onistudio will continue doing event at HOME club because we like the people who run it except I personally think the sofa either make you feel like a bankrupt mafia or whore running out of business.. And I also like people who hang out at HOME pub with its all familiar face which JUICE mag did write ‘great music but where are the rest of the people?’ because it’s the same face in the morning, afternoon, night ‘ and probably nightmare too hahaha.


Last but not least Dj Kimus has always been our sweet darling who always have some surprise to cheer us up, and all those lonely ghosts on the ceiling while Chee Wai danced madly by himeself on the floor and Weinan slept, alone, on the couch.

kimus depeche mode mix

Kimus revealed his next mix could be Pet Shop Boys, haha.

So yeaa, thanks to all who come to support us especially all the musicians.

And I could not forget of course the world cup fanatics out there:

Fuck your balls