Dehydrated Monsoon

Last night, like many other night as I was drunk I went back to my old apartment and as I struggled to open the door I realized it’s my old apartment.

It woke me up like I have just been kicked on the ass.

The drunkenness was gone and quickly I ran out before someone called the police. It took about 10min later that I got back to the state of drunkenness and breath nicely… pheww I thought…I look at my watch it say 5.30am. Then after that I imagined what would happen if suddenly a beautiful lady open the door with silk pyjamas and nice curved cleavage… and told me ‘oh darling you come back so late’ and she too was drunk with half open eyes and red lipstick... then we went to the room and just before we sleep (or you know) her husband opened the door and saw me on his bed. On his right hand I noticed a plastic bag and I smelled char kuay teow. Tell me do I have a film waiting for me? (I mean nightmare right) And I also imagined the husband will look exactly like me. It’s something like being John Malkovic.

Anyway, I supposed to write about dance because friends like Fu Quan and Joe are telling me that they want to see my dance. To think of it I usually just say I got lazy about dance because my body is still far from good for dancing and at the other point I have Weng Choy telling me ‘I want to see you talk”. And I can also imagine Alfian Saat come to me and say ‘fuck all the gibberishes just talk!’ (in a good term for sure) but that’s not exactly my ‘style’ not that I don’t talk… its something like some guys like to make love while the high heel is still there on her nice feet.

Now I’m dying to wait for the time when I can be very isolated and get really quiet in the studio and do my drawing and its activity suck me deeper into ‘speechlessness’. And I must say I’m busy drinking with people around me not necessarily a ‘social gathering’ but because I need to get connected to some people I love their vibes and dream/vision etc

The last time I dance is not so long ago actually …Fringe Festival last year February. I have made up my mind I will only dance once a year and I think that’s a lot already. It has to be solo because I don’t really know anymore what to do with others body on stage with different story. Anyway the last danced is Erroism…it is for me to get into this hopeless mood… The post war hopeless mood…I did get into that hopelessness but hell know its not easy to dance with that inside you…for that reason if you ask me to do it again I would say I need a break from that mood for sometime before I can handle it ‘better’ so if I am planning any dance this year it will still about this search for an hopeless body and make it dance. To quote Tatsumi Hijikata

Butoh is a dead corpse dancing

And that’s what I want to do ‘dead corpse dancing’… many Butoh dancer see it in many different way about this statement ….the Malays have a saying rather close to that ‘hidup segan mati tak mahu’. (to live I’m embarrass, to die is not what I want)... well that’s my translation some people will translate it in different ways for sure.

This year I will dance and it is a tribute to Akiko Motofuji and Tatsumi Hijikata. It will be butoh. But I don’t know when as for now once I start drawing it also means I start dancing in and with it… so guys the next time you heard or read a poster saying I’m performing solo make sure you come because the next one will be another one year or one and a half.

It’s 3pm now and it says Sunday. I just come back from T.K Sabapathy house with Josef Ng. It is indeed a strange visit which I was supposed to do like 10 years ago. It is also strange feeling that I felt the guilt why I did not visit his house. It’s an old house and the kitchen is what I call stunning. It is a kind of house I want to live in. We go for the kitchen the rest is not very very important because like many islanders that I know kitchen is the centre of universe. That kitchen Saba and Dori had is really based on old ‘Kampung’ design I call it. You sit there and you just don’t want to move I wonder how many hours had saba and dori ‘wasted’ their time in their kitchen. Now I am waiting for next week because I want to eat Doris and Saba’s food. They cook and I’m sure they cook real well.

My neighbour is screaming... well she is singing and it’s those karaoke thing. We can’t complain because it’s Sunday anyway and so I’m going now probably for char kway teow with very very black soya sauce and sure beeeeeeer

saba and dori's kitchen